"just a fond farewell to a friend who couldn't get things right"

dear you...

thanks. for nothin'. or everything. i'm not sure which.
the lipstick stains your teeth simultaneously with the lies staining your tongue.
but the latter can't be fixed for your reflection.
i know. i've tried to fix myself too many times before.

believe in me, 'cause i don't believe in anything. or anyone.
so i guess this is goodbye.
or just goodnight.
we'll find out in the morning.

this isn't a bruise. it's just the colour of my heart showing through.
black from thoughts of me and you.
some days i just want to get up and run.
not to anywhere, and not from anywhere.
just because i can.
to feel the wind in my hair and the burn of the tarmac on my feet.
to feel the bite of reality.
sink your teeth into me. i hope my taste stays with you forever.

let me go. for the last time.
there's nothing between us anymore. except air.
well, that's what i keep telling you.
and that's what i'll always tell you.
because the road i'm on doesn't have room for two.

so again, goodbye.
or goodnight.

we'll find out in the morning.

love, but not quite,

me xx

i love every/no thing about you

the sun rises and crashes in rear-view mirrors.

god was too late this time. next time. last time for us.

my eyelids drop. presenting flashes of the past on center stage.
i don't want to die, but i don't want to live this way.
hold me close for the last time. i'll miss you.
i'll wait for you.
death is a life commitment. how ironically wonderful.

please love me, just so i can tell God i was loved.
don't turn me away from the gates, because i'm not old enough for hell.

i'm not ready for eternity.

we're close, but the connection hits deeper with everyone else.

these pills will show you the door just like they show me the road between forever and nowhere.
hold on, we're there now.
we reached our destination.

welcome to bedlam. please drive carefully.

"would you like to hear something strange?"

my heart's buzzing on this high from you.
or maybe i'm just in love with the idea of adoring someone other than myself.
i try to calm these shakes under my skin but my head won't let me.
douse these flames and put me out.
put this off until we're older/wiser/prettier.
or none of the above.

and she lets herself get so close she can almost touch it.
but it turns to dust beneath her fingertips.
like everything. slipping. the record's skipping revealing the truth.
lip synching along to the rhythm of l-l-life.

everybody scream, do you know what i mean?

who will catch me when i fall, fall, fall?
it's inevitable.

she's not wearing this choker literally, just for the attention.
did i forget to mention?
blink and you've missed it.
kiss me back to life.

your lips are cold on mine.

this is your wake up call

mornin' sunshine.
actually, it's pretty much evenin'.
fuck that.

i have a love/hate relationships with the sun.
it blinds me when i wake up, but keeps me warm when you're not around.
so it can't be all bad.
can it?

i've developed the realisation that i have no talent. in anything. at all.

i can't sing, or play an instrument well.
i can't act, or even be myself.
i can't write, these words are just a wannabe's way of expressing all they could never be.

all i'm good at is procrastinating and underacheiving.
oh, and drinking myself into a shallow grave of my own doubt.

fan-bloody-tastic.

drinkuplastcall.

current occupation: selling fire in hell

your love would be hell, but it's just not hot enough, baby.

some people are lions, some are cats.
i'm the bullet, blasting a hole into all of your five senses.
shoot this into your veins and feel the burn.
you can't teach this before you've learnt it.
you can't break the rules until you know what they are.
how far can this bend, bend, bend until it snaps in half?

will this provoke the kids or revoke the privillage?

i wrote a fairy-tale of L.O.V.E.
it begins with "once upon a time..."
and ends in "... happily ever after"
because truth won't sell this line.

that gold is untouchable, and that kid is unlovable.
that golden kid is unbelieveable.
{all i believe is the lie}
i'm stuck between conspiracy theories and cold hard reality.
the fence digs into my legs, forcing me to jump to one side.
but i just can't decide.

we're gonna make your hearts explode with everything you'd never known.
that's a promise she kissed onto your lips.
the fuck-me-red lipstick will leave it's mark.
just like she will.

i'm mediocre, but cut deeper.

these eyes are wide closed, but you look better this way.

if/or/and

IF i knew what this was, i'd document it. maybe even scratching it into the margin of the oxford english dictionary, just to prove that it was real.

OR i'd sit next to it and smile, just for a while, because this is just my style.

AND god knows i like it like that.

"you'll get the message by the time i'm through"

i'm anonymously infamous.
i take in chances and pills like air.
i never said "goodbye", because i couldn't see the "good" is waving you off.
one day i'll break through the clouds of my self-doubt and take on the world.
dominate me and i'll dominate them.
kiss on the lips and friction on the hips.
i'm not a poet, just a dramatist, obsessed with my own novel of life.
discarding people like pages.
these letters are like a connection between me and everything else.
it's hard to play myself.
today was long, long, long, and it's getting longer.
it's raining again, which isn't surprising.
i want to dance in your tears and swim through your fears.
just to prove i'm still here.