it's morning. actually, it's felt like morning all night.
i love sleep - it just doesn't love me back.
close your eyes and hope for the best.
but my head won't shut off. i can't shut down.
i isolate myself. and the more i do it, the more isolated i feel. until it's just me and my head.
if that makes sense, you're a goddamned genius.
i don't understand myself.
i don't dare let any one get close enough to know me.
because then they can judge me. or worry about me.
or pressurize me.
because God knows that i'm so pressured my head is threatening to implode with every new thought and word.
with every recent sigh and smile and laugh.
i can see the release, i just can't feel it.
being down is my comfort blanket.
it's a way for me to know that i'm safe in my own head.
maybe. maybe not.
maybe that's the warzone that I've been trying to avoid.
misery has never been so pretty, baby boy.
switchoffshutdownletgo
