Thursday 31 May 2007

"just a fond farewell to a friend who couldn't get things right"

dear you...

thanks. for nothin'. or everything. i'm not sure which.
the lipstick stains your teeth simultaneously with the lies staining your tongue.
but the latter can't be fixed for your reflection.
i know. i've tried to fix myself too many times before.

believe in me, 'cause i don't believe in anything. or anyone.
so i guess this is goodbye.
or just goodnight.
we'll find out in the morning.

this isn't a bruise. it's just the colour of my heart showing through.
black from thoughts of me and you.
some days i just want to get up and run.
not to anywhere, and not from anywhere.
just because i can.
to feel the wind in my hair and the burn of the tarmac on my feet.
to feel the bite of reality.
sink your teeth into me. i hope my taste stays with you forever.

let me go. for the last time.
there's nothing between us anymore. except air.
well, that's what i keep telling you.
and that's what i'll always tell you.
because the road i'm on doesn't have room for two.

so again, goodbye.
or goodnight.

we'll find out in the morning.

love, but not quite,

me xx

Sunday 27 May 2007

i love every/no thing about you

the sun rises and crashes in rear-view mirrors.

god was too late this time. next time. last time for us.

my eyelids drop. presenting flashes of the past on center stage.
i don't want to die, but i don't want to live this way.
hold me close for the last time. i'll miss you.
i'll wait for you.
death is a life commitment. how ironically wonderful.

please love me, just so i can tell God i was loved.
don't turn me away from the gates, because i'm not old enough for hell.

i'm not ready for eternity.

we're close, but the connection hits deeper with everyone else.

these pills will show you the door just like they show me the road between forever and nowhere.
hold on, we're there now.
we reached our destination.

welcome to bedlam. please drive carefully.

Saturday 26 May 2007

"would you like to hear something strange?"

my heart's buzzing on this high from you.
or maybe i'm just in love with the idea of adoring someone other than myself.
i try to calm these shakes under my skin but my head won't let me.
douse these flames and put me out.
put this off until we're older/wiser/prettier.
or none of the above.

and she lets herself get so close she can almost touch it.
but it turns to dust beneath her fingertips.
like everything. slipping. the record's skipping revealing the truth.
lip synching along to the rhythm of l-l-life.

everybody scream, do you know what i mean?

who will catch me when i fall, fall, fall?
it's inevitable.

she's not wearing this choker literally, just for the attention.
did i forget to mention?
blink and you've missed it.
kiss me back to life.

your lips are cold on mine.

Wednesday 23 May 2007

this is your wake up call

mornin' sunshine.
actually, it's pretty much evenin'.
fuck that.

i have a love/hate relationships with the sun.
it blinds me when i wake up, but keeps me warm when you're not around.
so it can't be all bad.
can it?

i've developed the realisation that i have no talent. in anything. at all.

i can't sing, or play an instrument well.
i can't act, or even be myself.
i can't write, these words are just a wannabe's way of expressing all they could never be.

all i'm good at is procrastinating and underacheiving.
oh, and drinking myself into a shallow grave of my own doubt.

fan-bloody-tastic.

drinkuplastcall.

Tuesday 22 May 2007

current occupation: selling fire in hell

your love would be hell, but it's just not hot enough, baby.

some people are lions, some are cats.
i'm the bullet, blasting a hole into all of your five senses.
shoot this into your veins and feel the burn.
you can't teach this before you've learnt it.
you can't break the rules until you know what they are.
how far can this bend, bend, bend until it snaps in half?

will this provoke the kids or revoke the privillage?

i wrote a fairy-tale of L.O.V.E.
it begins with "once upon a time..."
and ends in "... happily ever after"
because truth won't sell this line.

that gold is untouchable, and that kid is unlovable.
that golden kid is unbelieveable.
{all i believe is the lie}
i'm stuck between conspiracy theories and cold hard reality.
the fence digs into my legs, forcing me to jump to one side.
but i just can't decide.

we're gonna make your hearts explode with everything you'd never known.
that's a promise she kissed onto your lips.
the fuck-me-red lipstick will leave it's mark.
just like she will.

i'm mediocre, but cut deeper.

these eyes are wide closed, but you look better this way.

Friday 18 May 2007

if/or/and

IF i knew what this was, i'd document it. maybe even scratching it into the margin of the oxford english dictionary, just to prove that it was real.

OR i'd sit next to it and smile, just for a while, because this is just my style.

AND god knows i like it like that.

Wednesday 16 May 2007

"you'll get the message by the time i'm through"

i'm anonymously infamous.
i take in chances and pills like air.
i never said "goodbye", because i couldn't see the "good" is waving you off.
one day i'll break through the clouds of my self-doubt and take on the world.
dominate me and i'll dominate them.
kiss on the lips and friction on the hips.
i'm not a poet, just a dramatist, obsessed with my own novel of life.
discarding people like pages.
these letters are like a connection between me and everything else.
it's hard to play myself.
today was long, long, long, and it's getting longer.
it's raining again, which isn't surprising.
i want to dance in your tears and swim through your fears.
just to prove i'm still here.

Thursday 10 May 2007

a farewell to arms

the days pass faster and faster, screaming past me in a blur of smiles and regrets.

"i'm late for a very important date"

i feel like i'm constantly checking my watch.
it's better than checking my back.

it's not that i don't love people. i do.
i just don't like them.
especially myself.
there's no one else to blame.

i don't believe in god, but if i did, he would definately be ernest hemingway.
or ben and jerry's phish food ice-cream.

i'll disappear in the click of your flash.

Wednesday 9 May 2007

everything in between

"this isn't a bruise from falling for you"
at least, not last time i checked.

i never was perfect at mastering these imperfections.
you can't forgive me because i can't apologise.
not to eyes that can see into my soul and guess my fears and read these tears.
will you cry at my wake and dance on my grave?

i was meant to say something show-stopping here.

sorry.

promise shines through breaks in our facade

i people watch.
they fascinate me. scurrying like ants about their business.
do we realise that none of this realise matters?
or maybe everything really matters.
foreheads creased in frowns and failures.
i alliterate to allocate meaning to the meaningless.

maybe everyone is a one trick p(h)ony.
it wouldn't surprise me.
plastic laughter ringing through stucco splattered sidewalks grates against my eardrums.
pewter lights shine in small doorways and spreads darkly.

but still we smile and fight and kiss and cry.
to prove that ultimately we love being alive.

loveetc.

Tuesday 8 May 2007

i think i love you: close brackets

the lights go out in your eyes and we realise for the first time that this isn't it.
i tried to make this pretty unbelieveable because you're pretty and unforeseeable.
do you know what it is yet?
you're hot of the rails, baby boy. lights go down behind cities and rainy day kids.
pins and needles echo under my skin, cause me to laugh out loud in the hilarity of our situation.

none of this is real, didn't you know?

right after i figured myself out, i forgot it.

can you title me?

i was gone, and now i'm back.
i choked on my own lies and paid for it in so much more than metal and paper.
writing this tragedy is a drug and i'm hooked.
i have the starring role and this is my best performance.
suddenly words just aren't enough.
i've always been poetic, but now it's just pathetic how much i wish i were you, or her, or them.
this is so much more than right and wrong. this is so much more than me and you.
this is forever.
this is something like reality.

i'll write your name on a bullet so you're the last thing that goes through my head.

i've seen all the overcast kids and learnt from the best of the worst, sugar take back your taste, because it's to much.
we're hot of the rails and i'm started to fail to see the lines between this and never.
i've smothered childhood dreams for the last time so for the first time, i'm taking a stand against myself.
i need to change the wrong's into rights, but it's the wrongs that convince me i'm still alive.

this isn't as pretty as you are.

truelove.

Monday 7 May 2007

a problematic solution to a simplified equation

and suddenly my whole life is spread out in front of me, bare bones blushing.
only how can i choose the right path when my eyesight is blurred by the battle between my head and my heart?
i don't trust myself enough to choose. this decision could make or break me.
i'd rather make or break you.
or at least feel the comfort of the spark of your lips as they send an electric shock down each vertebrae.

love etc.

Saturday 5 May 2007

i whisper to the dark

and we'll run past city lights
and burn down something beautiful
just to feel alive.

this face doesn't fit these lines.

this isn't old love, it's vintage.

Tuesday 1 May 2007

consolations and constellations

this is a hoax at most.
my head spins and i realise i've sold my soul for a dime.
ATMs spit out monopoly money.
dancers pirouette on broken toes and shattered dreams.

my (ir)regular heartbeat reminds me i'm more than just smoke and mirrors.
that the imagery was only imagined for the time being.

i hope to find myself in your words.
because i lost myself in mine.